I Keep it to Myself
by afro-dite1
Summary: I love you Lizzie but you'll never know. COMPLETE


Hi people. I'm trying something new. This is a songfic to Monica's "I Keep it to Myself". I was listening to it the other day and it just screamed Gordo. Tell me if you agree. Love Chase.  
  
I Keep it to Myself  
  
Gordo stared out at the moonlit night from his bedroom window in deep thought. That wasn't unusual. Neither was the subject of his thoughts. At least not to him it was. Lizzie. Elizabeth Brooke McGuire. She was so beautiful, both inside and out. He loved her, there was no use in denying it but he couldn't find it within himself to tell her. He tried to remember the first time he felt this way about her. Maybe it was the time he saw her kissing Ronnie. Something died within him at that moment. That moment he saw her glow with a surreal light. Like a goddess. Maybe the feeling was always there... since the first time he hugged her when he breathed in her sweet simple scent. The first time he stared at her instead of the movie. The first time she confided in him. The first he comforted her. The first time she said his name. The first time he laid eyes on her. Yup maybe that's it. He loved Lizzie since he was born. MAYBE he was even born to love her.  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
I looked at you a thousand times  
  
This time when I looked at you there was something new  
  
How could I be so blind?  
  
We shared our secrets in the dark  
  
And though we were only friends I don't know when  
  
The feeling changed within my heart  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
After all what is there not to love about Lizzie. He had meant it when he said that there was no one prettier and more fun to be with. She was compassionate to such a fault that she braved her own pain fore the benefit of others. This is the girl who dated the class geek so as to not hurt his feelings. This is the girl who swallowed her pride to help the one person in this world who delighted in making her life a living hell. This is the girl who should know if someone liked her. He should tell her. But he couldn't. He couldn't risk ruining what they had now could he? He was after all her best friend. Good old reliable Gordo. This was hard. He was being torn apart. If he told her he might destroy their friendship and then he would never be close to her again.... in any capacity. He just had to deal with this on his own. He would never push her away from him. She was the only person that made him feel like a million bucks even if she didn't know it. He could live on one of her smiles forever. He would just have to.  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
Baby  
  
I keep it 2 myself  
  
I'm fallin in love with you  
  
The harder it gets cause you don't know the love I'm feeling'  
  
I keep it 2 myself  
  
I'm fallin in love with you  
  
I don't wanna push you away cause no one makes me feel like you do  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
Gordo closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He could almost feel her in his mind's eye. She was so sweet, so perfect. He could only dream about what it would be like to kiss her. Truly kiss her, not a peck on the cheek like she had given him that afternoon. He kept on imagining how different things would have been if he had just turned his cheek. If only. He had a lot of "if onlys" when it came to Lizzie. He remembered the night that he danced with her under the stars in her backyard. She felt so good in his arms. No, it didn't feel just good. It felt right. He almost told her that he liked her then. Almost. Then Ethan walked up and asked her to dance. Never mind he tripped over her dad's lawn gnome. She thought that was cute. Everything Ethan did was cute to her. Everything Ronnie did was cute too. To this day he couldn't eat pudding without thinking about the jerk that broke her heart. She always did fall for the wrong guys. Things would be so much simpler if she just knew how much he cared. Actually telling her was the only not so simple part.  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
I dream of you all through night  
  
Holding you gently right here with me  
  
Wrapped in my arms so tight  
  
But when I start to tell you how I feel  
  
You tell me bout someone new who's right for you  
  
If you only knew my loves for real  
  
Baby  
  
I keep it 2 myself  
  
I'm fallin in love with you  
  
The harder it gets cause you don't know the love I'm feeling'  
  
I keep it 2 myself  
  
I'm fallin in love with you  
  
I don't wanna push you away cause no one makes me feel like you do  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
Sometimes he would stare at her as if willing her to like him back. What if she did? What if the kiss that afternoon was her way of telling him? Nah. She didn't. He could only imagine what it would be like if she did though. He would ask her out. They would walk down the street holding hands. They would go to a scary movie. She would cuddle up close to him with his arm around her shoulder, her soft breath dancing on his neck. She'd look up, he'd look down and as if by magic, they'd kiss. Once he had tried to picture this scenario with Parker in her place. He had ended calling Lizzie and listening to her talk incessantly about Ethan, enjoying the sound of her voice if not the topic of conversation. Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. It was almost too painful to think about her now. He had to clear his head. He needed a diversion. Just then the phone rang. Perfect. He rushed to answer it.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Gordo, its me Lizzie."  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
I'm wondering' if you feel the same way I do  
  
Then we both could be together forever  
  
So why do I hide all my feelings inside  
  
If I know you're the only one for me  
  
The deeper that it gets  
  
The harder that I fall  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
"I read what you wrote in my yearbook. I just want you to know that I really loved it....... Ummm Gordo, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"How would you feel if I went to the graduation dance with Ethan?"  
  
"Well.. This is what you've always wanted right?" Please say wrong.  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"Then in that case go for it. You know all I want is for you to be happy,"  
  
#########################$@$######################  
  
Baby  
  
I keep it 2 myself  
  
I'm fallin in love with you  
  
The harder it gets cause you don't know the love I'm feeling'  
  
I keep it 2 myself  
  
I'm fallin in love with you  
  
I don't wanna push you away cause no one makes me feel like you do 


End file.
